ryzu


The Aching Heart

That Just Wants To Be Held, Every Once In A While...


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The sharp knife, of a short life
ryzu
forgive my random title, i kinda like that song sometimes. if that made sense.

i don't know why i still try, or why i still hold onto my feelings for you.

i don't try to try to get you to go out with me, i try because i want to try.

i've been so stressed lately, i stopped going to my kendo practice because of it.

i terribly hate art that isn't on the computer, my art that isn't on the computer to be more specific

i've needed to cuddle with someone, just cuddle, for so long now. but, i've done too much wrong or people have moved on too far for that really. it'd just be awkward... for one person or another

i cling to my really close friends, it gets on their nerves. that isn't my opinion, its a fact.

i get upset far too easily for my own good, and i don't even bother to hide it or figure out why i am upset anymore. it has frustrated you quite a bit. i am truly sorry that i don't understand my feelings enough to explain them to you...

i wonder.... if it would work out between her and i... not like i'd get to see any time soon, and i've told myself for so long it wouldn't work out, simply because she said something that kinda annoyed me so long ago now... it seems so long ago...

i feel like... i have lost pieces of my heart, all my life. and i don't know where most of them are, but sometimes i can feel them, still beating somewheres in a mud puddle or something.

i really wish i could fly... i don't want to do anything with my life right now, i just want to be with people.

being a massage therapist type person sounds really fun

i surprise myself with my restraint sometimes

i surprise myself with my lack of restraint sometimes too

it hurts me when something happens, and someone asks to just forget it ever happened.... not any situation in specific, just in general...

i worry about worrying my friends... people say friends are supposed to worry, but i just don't think i am worth worrying over

when i am upset, i tend to bring people down with me. i am much like a sinking ship, with arms, afraid of plummeting to the bottom of the ocean alone.

i am so absolutely terrified of being alone, but am afraid of asking people to hang out and such.

i don't want to get diagnosed by a psychologist or anything, the potential answers scare me so much...

i'm just like you, i know you know... i'm just like you, so leave me alone

that last line has nothing to do with me, except that i sing it to myself a lot.

i wish i knew what was going on in your mind when i catch you staring off into space...

or when you stare at me...

i'll tell you what goes through my mind... but not in person, i'll say it here... i'm afraid of saying my feelings in person truth be told...

"god, she's beautiful... i wish we could be together... i'm happy i'm her friend... i would like to pet her all the time, if i could...."

i hope that wasn't creepy...

i absolutely love your eyes... how they seem to pierce anything i put up to hide my true self... how they like, freeze me in my tracks... they seem so analytical, like, they know exactly what is going on by looking at me, and they want to say something, but don't know if they should

i'd probably just tell you i'm fine... unless we were alone or you asked in private somehow...

i love all of my friends

if anyone is ever uncomfortable with anything i'm doing, please just tell me so i know. make sure i hear you, because if i keep doing it after you say something the chances are that i didn't hear you.

my idea of a great time? cuddling up with someone (preferably a girl) and just laying there. i love enjoying the company of other people

i wish i wasn't such a gangly and bony person sometimes. i wish i was shorter, or could change my height. i wish i didnt hurt people with how bony i am

its kind of embarassing to say, but when i cuddle with someone, my hands just naturally want to rest between their legs, not touch or anything, but just rest. its very... soothing, i think, would be the proper term

that being said, i love teasing and being teased too, and given enough time i will most likely start 'testing the waters' to see if you were up for anything

i used to pride myself with what i could do sexually... but now i feel like i can't do anything, except that one thing i learned while reading online. but its nothing special really, and i could easily teach anyone else to do it...

when i see people online, i REALLY wish they would say something to me first... i feel like a nuisance when i say something, and itd be nice to know that they wanna talk to me...

i worry over my friends very easily, and i find myself worrying about her a lot, specifically when it says she is on and i try to talk to her and she says nothing, or when she insists on walking home alone. doesnt she understand how much i am willing to do for her? maybe she does, and that is why she doesnt want me to walk with her...

i can understand her feeling bad, but i do it because i want to, not because i feel obligated or anything.

sometimes i wish i had an off switch for certain thoughts i get.

i've done things i'm not proud of in my past, but who hasn't? i'm slowly beginning to accept that people don't NEED to know your past to accept you.

i'm a very contradictory person

in all honesty, if i could have a single wish, it would be to be given a chance with you. you are right, it probably wouldn't be fair to me, since you don't like me quite like how i like you, but i am absolutely fine with your girl-loving side (which is the majority of it im pretty certain)... i don't like labels usually, especially on other people... what i would like though is a label for me, that would let people know that we had something special going on. i would be so proud of it. so happy...

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